My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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