i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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