Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
