If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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