Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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