P.S. I can't hear my feet
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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