I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
