ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
