I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
