My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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