I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
