I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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