Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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