A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
