It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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