youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
