Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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