Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
