MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
