Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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