Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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