You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we're so committed to being not committed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
