If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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