bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
