he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
