Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
