I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He did a backflip because drugs
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