She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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