oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
