Umm I'm too high to move.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
