so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
