Apparently you make a good broom.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
