Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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