There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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