see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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