You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
