I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize