You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
