At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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