I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
