i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
