If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
