u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
