So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
