Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
