I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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