I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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