words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
