pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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