just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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