Pappa wants mamma naked
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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