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I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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