i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
try to milk me bitch
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