So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
