Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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