This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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