Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
