Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is the high leading the old right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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