I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
