you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
