It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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