what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
