Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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