He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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