Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
